Being an empath is hard!

Empaths are very sensitive to stimuli

Empaths can become overwhelmed by a range of things, such as sounds, smell, temperature and clutter, picking up on energies that others may miss, arousing the nervous system, making it difficult to tolerate because of a heightened sensitivity.

This makes the empath appear unsociable and unapproachable, which can lead them to negative behaviours in order to cope and dull the senses. . In turn, pleasant sounds can also have the opposite effect, resulting in peace and relaxation. 

One sound in particular that really effected me was the sound of my babies crying! I know that mothers are programmed to react to the sound of their baby's cry, but I always had such an intense feeling that was so overwhelming! With my first born, he suffered from Reflux, and it took 5 weeks for the doctor's to diagnose him, so in those early weeks he would let out the most terrible scream and I would end up in tears! I knew there was something wrong, but I was helpless to do anything!

I eventually managed to control this, but again, I thought there was something wrong with me.

Empaths usually avoid crowds or events due to these unbearable sound levels, due to the lack of control we have over the situation, and will often prefer being at home where we feel most comfortable. 

As with sounds, empaths can also have a sensitivity to light, whether it is artificial lighting, or the sun, it can be aggravating and even cause pain. Fluorescent lighting can be particularly bad as they often emit a low level hum. 

Another reason for empaths to avoid public places, due to street lamps, signs, and traffic lights. 

being an empath is hard

Many empaths will feel huge anxiety, and they may not know the reason why. It could be from tuning into other people's anxiety, or just the worry of what others may think of them, often feeling a sense of doom that they can’t understand. 

Our own natural worries, such as health and finances can feel amplified when coupled with other people’s negative energy fields. 

being an empath is hard

I also found that for as long as I can remember, I have always worried about what people think of me, and when I meet someone, I form a mental picture of how I think they see me. It’s almost like seeing yourself through their eyes, and it’s very draining and I can’t stop it happening.

Now I have come to learn that this is a particular trait of a Morphing Empath.

It’s like battling between the person you really are, and the person you think they want you to be.

Until now, I always saw this as a weakness, but I am learning that this is just one of the many traits of an empath.

I have also always shown myself as a kind, caring person, and always sensitive to others needs, but my overwhelming need to please others has been construed as being someone you’re not, or being fake.

I feel that people don’t know where they stand with me, because “no-one can be THAT nice”, but yes…. We empaths ARE just that nice. If someone can’t relate to you, it seems they disregard you, and that leaves you yet again feeling rejected and alone, no matter how hard we try to fit in. 

The inability to form long lasting friendships

I know that I have never been able to form long standing friendships. Not since my school days anyway, and I always went through life feeling used and abused, and that there must be something wrong with me, this has sadly resulted in my only friend being my wonderful husband.

One of the biggest obstacles I faced was that I couldn't get over the fact that some people appeared not to like me.

Someone once told me that not everyone is going to like you, but I couldn't get my head around this!

What could I have possibly done for someone to dislike me? after all, I try and please everyone!

BUT..... I have now grown to learn that it is THEM with the problem, and not me..... and that's ok.

Unfortunately I spent most of my life feeling self pity, and although I will never put my self pity onto others, I did spend a lot of my life feeling lonely, even with family and friends around.

being an empath is hard

Sometimes being surrounded by people, and still feeling lonely is the hardest to bear

Click here to see what George Orwell wrote about this

I think that we break friendships in order to protect ourselves. We can’t maintain these draining relationships for too long because it affects us physically and mentally.

Many people have the ability to maintain this kind of relationship because in turn they also use the person for their own gain, but we Empaths do not treat others in this way. We can’t use people, even if we wanted to, because we know what it feels like to be treated in this way, and won’t subject anyone to these ill feelings. 

One of the biggest hurdles we face, is that we understand everyone’s reasons for doing everything!

No matter how cruel, we can justify their actions. This is why we are such understanding, and I want to say forgiving people, but only to a certain point.

Ultimately we must learn to protect ourselves, otherwise we can enter into depression, which believe me, I have suffered with for many years, but knowing who you really are, and that you are NOT alone, has helped me on my path to inner peace, which I hope reading this, helps you too. 

It has taken me up until now, in my mid 40’s to understand why I am the way I am.

To go through life thinking that you are too sensitive, have been walked over and treated poorly by others, to feel that you have suffered so many injustices, to feel that you are alone, or never truly understood, to always wonder why does this always happen to you, it is completely draining, and you are made to think that you are weak for allowing these repeat occurrences to happen. 

BUT... I am here to tell you that......

To withstand this kind of torment for such a long time, and to still be standing.... that shows complete and utter STRENGTH!!! 

Yes others in this world suffer far worse torment and suffering, but it doesn’t mean that what we have gone through, and will continue to endure isn’t completely and utterly draining, and let’s face it, hard to deal with most of the time, but we deal with it because we have to.

I am here to tell you don’t have to do it alone.

Developing emotional wounds

Empaths develop many emotional wounds by the time they reach adulthood, especially if they have not been supported by parents during their childhood, with many developing eating disorders, or suffering from some form of anxiety and depression. 

I have learnt just how clever the body is, and what an impressive feedback system it can be, with the empath being able to decipher the physical messages that are created. 

An empath has the ability to connect a specific mental and emotional pattern with areas of the body, and heal it. During my research I have learnt just how good an empath’s healing powers are, from using your hands (such as Reiki), to long distance healing. 

An empath has the ability to sever a person’s connection to the thing that is harming them, but you cannot heal someone long term if they don’t try to help themselves, and you can only support and nurture them. They have to want to help themselves in order for it to be effective.

I am currently looking into these healing powers, and will update on the website when I have learnt more about this. 

Stress causing physical ailments

Empaths can be very sensitive to ‘body-knowing’ and that different ailments relate to specific emotional needs, and an empath has the ability to work on these ailments and heal them.

Empaths have such a broad sensitivity, that they can tune into a wider bandwidth of frequencies and energies, to enhance their intuition. They can also experience a lot of pain and health issues because of their body’s extreme sensitivity, often being diagnosed with chronic conditions, fatigue and exhaustion. 

I for one have suffered with chronic back pain for over twenty years, migraines, and depression as well as severe psoriasis which covers my entire body, but fortunately I now take medication which helps to keep it at bay, all of which have been put down to stress. It makes sense that the emotional stress that we endure, come out in other ways. 

Difficulty coping

We often feel like we can’t cope, and can shut down as a way of dealing with things. 

If ever I got into an argument with a friend, or a family member, instead of discussing the issue, my first instinct is to run and shut myself away.

I can’t bear conflict, and will never get angry to the point of shouting, (unless my children are pushing me to my limits!), it’s just not me. During a disagreement with someone, I will be trying to get my point across, but at the same time justifying their comments too, and in the end I’m arguing with myself in my own head!

What a minefield we must navigate!!

I have been learning (With the help of my very patient husband), not to bottle things up and dwell on them. I used to analyse every little negative comment, punishing myself in the process, forcing myself to relive the pain of a bad word said, going over and over things, that just lead to unhappiness. 

I still find myself reliving arguments I had in my childhood, wishing I had stood up for myself, or wishing I had acted differently, but honestly, what good is it doing us? It is in the past, and we can’t change the past, so why do we insist on reliving the negative times?! 

Being tired and run-down can also exacerbate these feelings, and let’s face it, most of us are tired and run-down at some point! 

I came across a quote that says:

You'll always be brave in someone's mind and coward in another's, strong to one and fragile to another, good to one and terrible to another.

You will be seen as annoying to one and comforting to another.

Some will feel anxious around you and some will find peace in your company. Some will see you as "too much" while others will see you as a gift.

The world will look at you from their subjective point of view.

The world is never going to agree on a definition of who you are.

So, you might as well live the way that feels true to your heart.

Acceptance

When you hurt someone with a good heart, the reaction isn't always immediate or obvious.

We won’t shout, won’t make accusations, and won’t cause a scene.

We are the kind of people who carry our pain quietly, letting it settle within us like a shadow, while still showing kindness and compassion to everyone around us.

It’s almost as if we continue on as if nothing has changed.

But deep inside, something shifts.

The way we once trusted and valued you starts to erode, not through any dramatic event, but through a slow, silent realisation that our trust has been broken.

We begin to distance ourselves, not out of anger or vengeance, but simply because we’ve accepted the painful truth.......that we can no longer give the same love and trust we once did.

We are the people who have loved you without reservation, who have given you our time, our energy, and our heart.

When that trust is betrayed, it doesn’t explode into chaos. It simply fades, quietly and inevitably, because we know that we can’t sacrifice our inner peace for someone who cannot value us the way we deserve.

We well still be kind, we will still be compassionate, but we will never look at you the same way again.

The connection will no longer be the same.

The loss of someone like this isn’t something that can be undone, it’s an irreversible change. Once we’re gone, we’re gone, and the space we leave is not easily filled.

The reason I share this with you is because I experienced this first hand with the break up of my 10 year marriage.

It's difficult to talk about something so personal, but I think it is necessary if you have gone through something similar. It's good to talk about the things that broke us, because knowing you are not alone is so important for your mental health.

I won't go into too much detail because my children may read this, but my ex-husband betrayed me in such a cruel way. He had an affair with a young girl that we treated as a daughter. She was a neighbour, and spent time at our house every day in order to escape her struggling relationship with her mother.

Over a period of a year, I began to notice changes in their behaviour. They had become very playful and tactile, and spent a lot of time laughing and joking about things I wasn't a part of.

Deep down I knew something wasn't right, but I couldn't allow myself to believe these doubts that kept creeping in. I just couldn't believe that my husband would do such a thing, after all, there was a twenty year age gap between them, and I was the mother to his three children, and I gave my whole self to him implicitly.

I was completely loyal to him, and over the years his love for me began to dwindle. 

I knew he didn't love me the way he may have done very early on, and his lack of empathy and compassion towards me became obvious.

In typical empath style, I wrote him several letters over the years, because I was far better at explaining how I felt when I could write things down, and I expressed how I felt that we were more like house mates than husband and wife, but all he kept saying was that he didn't see a problem, and that it must be all in my head. This I now know to be a form of gaslighting.

In the end, I caught them together when they thought I had gone to bed, and the girl was crying, begging for forgiveness, telling me to hit her! But I sympathised with her. How crazy does that sound?! I told her not to worry, and mistakes happen, and that I understood why she got emotionally involved with him. I knew that she had lost her father at a very young age, and that she was so desperate to have a father figure in her life, so I got the reasons why she may have fallen for him.

But as for my ex-husband?..... He didn't seem too bothered at all. Heart breaking.

Stupidly I gave him chance after chance to redeem himself for the sake of the children, but after 8 months of torture, and him going back to her over and over again, I decided that I deserved better, and I cut all ties with him. Communication regarding the children was done over email, and I began to put the pieces of my life back together, but it was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life.

I thought I was weak and useless. I felt unattractive, foolish, and I let him make me feel like I wasn't worth anything. 

During this whole ordeal I had to pretend that everything was ok for the sake of the children.

I didn't let them know just how badly he broke me, because he was already neglecting them for the sake of his new love, and they already felt abandoned. I had to be so strong for them, and that was difficult when I was a former shadow of myself, but it's what we have to do.

Our children need our protection, and where most grieved women would bad mouth their dad, I never did. They needed to know that their dad still loved them and didn't intentionally hurt them.

I had people telling me that they'd have made it known to their children how bad their dad is, but what good will that do them? That would only be making you feel better, not them! These same people couldn't understand how I kept things so civil after what he had done, but I knew this had to be about my children's wellbeing. This is where the empath puts themselves is the shoes of the other person and can put all of their own feelings aside, for the sake of others.

Fortunately I found the bravery and strength to put myself back out there in the dating world (which after 15 years of being in a partnership was so hard!), but I found my now husband Roger, who is absolutely everything I could have dreamed of.

Roger helped me learn to trust again, and for the last 6 years has helped build my confidence, and for the first time in my life I feel like I am worthy of love and happiness, and this is how I was able to begin my journey of self discovery.

being an empath is hard

It's ok to live a life that others don't understand