Empaths and Depression

Being an empath means carrying a huge weight on our shoulders. It is very difficult to shake those feelings of depression, and from my experience, even medication is not always enough to help find the balance. 

I have found that sometimes it is extremely difficult to carry other people’s negative emotions, coupled with the suffering in the world, and the over stimulation of the senses, plus the not knowing how to deal with it all, can be a hard cross to bear.

This is why I truly believe we carry a strength like no other, and most of the time we do not acknowledge our superpower, and I’m here to tell you that you are truly special and unique.

We may even appear ‘weird’ to others (I have been called that many a time), but weird is GOOD! Who wants to be standard, or average?. You don’t have to conform to society to be accepted now.

I have to be honest and say that sometimes I feel too embarrassed to tell people that I am an empath, because then has to follow the explanation of what an empath is, and I can already hear people saying, “oh yes I must be an empath too’ simply because they believe that they have empathy and compassion, but as you well know, there is a lot more to it than that!

Or, you can see the puzzled look on their face begin to appear, and you already know that they have more than likely labelled you as ‘weird’. 

The trouble is, how should we summarise what we are? Maybe we should come up with a rehearsed phrase is preparation for those times we have to explain what an empath is.

Maybe we should have a little laminated print out of the signs of an empath and hand it to them 😂

Either way, I think we run the risk of people then presuming that we are judging them and are fearful that we are looking deep into their soul and exposing their insecurities. I think this is why I tend not to say anything at all, I guess it's the empath in me worrying about how it will make them feel and I really don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

I guess the vast majority of people need to see the proof to believe that something exists, much like the spirit world. The sceptic will not believe in the afterlife until they have experienced seeing an apparition for themselves, or they won’t believe in psychics unless they have had a successful reading with one, but even then they are left feeling unsure.

My point is, much like religion, it is down to the individual in what they believe in and what they think is possible, so when the term empath is used, unless science has proven it is a real concept, does it exist to the world? 

As I mentioned previously, overstimulation is a big factor in an empath’s life. Just one conversation with someone can leave us feeling drained, and often just the thought of meeting up with people leaves us feeling anxious, then if you don’t go, you feel guilty, then this too leads to anxiety! It’s a bit of a viscous circle. 

It’s not all doom and gloom though. The upside to having these sensitivities is an empath’s amazing diligence, loyalty and dedication, as well as their ability to be incredible lovers and healers. 

empaths and depression

I would like to share with you that I attended counselling for a period of 18 months, during a particular dark time in my life when my best friend (who later became my sister in-law), passed away from cancer at the age of 38, leaving a bereft husband (my poor brother), and 2 small children.

Me and Melanie (age 16 and 18)

Melanie and I (shortly before she passed)

I started the NHS therapy not long after her terminal diagnosis, and I have to admit, I wasn't sure it would benefit me, but I learnt that it was the first time I could speak to someone without having to worry that I was burdening them.

You have this realisation that this healthcare professional is being paid to listen to you, and that somehow relieves you of the pressures of being your usual unselfish, caring, compassionate self. 

It was exhilarating to be in a situation where I could just talk, for as long as I wanted (ok, there was an hour time limit), and not have to worry about what that person thought of me (ok, you still worry a little), and this hour was all about me! just me!

I realised just how uplifting this was, and I began to look forward to these sessions all week!

I went there expecting just to talk about my sister in-law, but surprisingly, I found myself opening up about how lonely I was, and how misunderstood I felt. At this time I didn't know that I was an empath, and so I was still under the disillusion that there was something wrong with me.

The therapist told me that I appeared to put friends on a pedestal with a huge checklist that they must tick in order for me to allow them in. I agreed that my checklist did seem rather long, but I have been hurt so much in the past that surely this was just a way of protecting myself?

I tried to change my way of thinking, especially because it seemed to be just me with the problem, after all, my sister in-law (my best friend), had literally hundreds of friends, across all different groups, from toddler groups, work, neighbours, school friends, college, you name it, she had friends from all around, and I thought wow I must be so unlikable!!

But... I now know it's because I was the one that wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't get too close to people in case they used me or hurt me, and by then they've latched on and it's so difficult to let them go without it causing conflict, so I avoided making friends, but then felt sad that I had no friends!!!

It's a bit of a no win situation unfortunately.

empaths and depression

I was also referred for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to try and change my way of thinking, which did help, but it's always difficult to change your whole mindset.

An example of changing thought patterns is this....

The therapist asked.... if you're in the school playground and a usually friendly mum walks right past you, ignoring you. How does it make you feel?

I said that I would be upset, and wonder what I had done wrong for her to suddenly treat me this way?

He said, how about you look at it from a different point of view. What if that mum had something deeply troubling on her mind, and had had a really bad day and was so preoccupied that she just didn't notice you, and that it wasn't just you that she had failed to see. How would it make you feel then?

I realised that you never know what is going on in peoples lives, and that we should try not to immediately jump to the wrong conclusions, and automatically assume that we have done something wrong.

It makes perfect sense doesn't it, but still difficult to put into practice.

Trust me when I say that we all have our dark days. I often felt like I wasn't meant to be on this earth.

I was born 12 weeks premature, and I would find myself wondering if I wasn't meant to survive!

I know it's a sad thought, but I felt so different, and I didn't know anyone else like me!

Me in an incubator, weighing 2 lb 11oz

If you are feeling low, and you are going through dark times, as empaths so often do, then please think about seeing a healthcare professional.

Don't be embarrassed, it is their job, and if it helps you, then that is what is most important.

You deserve to live a life of happiness, and although I will be providing you with the opportunity to read my empath survival guide, sometimes we need that unbiased, non-judgmental person to talk to, and sadly we don't come across many people like this in our every day lives.

Learn to love yourself, value yourself, and know your worth

empaths and depression